


Out in the Open

by NamelesslyNightlock



Series: Going Down Swinging [31]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adorkable, Alternate Universe - High School, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Feels, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Insecure Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Nervous Tony Stark, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 11:23:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21355477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: When Tony asks Loki for a kiss, Loki is certain that it must be a dare.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: Going Down Swinging [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1330490
Comments: 38
Kudos: 465





	Out in the Open

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt**— _“Can I kiss you?”_

Loki heard Tony arrive before the other boy announced himself, his feet crunching against the frosted grass. He had a distinctive step that no one else ever seemed to match, one that was somehow both incredibly confident and yet still had something of a shuffle to it. A smile was already curving at the corner of Loki’s lips, but he didn’t look up– not until well after a shadow had fallen over his book, not until Tony cleared his throat.

“Hey, Lokes,” Tony said.

“Tony,” Loki greeted, tilting up his head, glad that Tony’s shadow blocked the sunlight as the winter-bare branches of the tree he was leaning against did nothing to offer shade– for while the day was far from a warm one, the early afternoon sun was still bright.

“What are you doing out here in the cold?” Tony asked, almost sounding a little concerned. He sat down beside Loki against the tree, wincing at the frozen ground.

“I don’t mind the cold,” Loki replied with half a shrug, carefully hiding the way his heart skipped a beat as their shoulders brushed together at the movement. “And besides, I can’t concentrate in the cafeteria, with all the noise.” It was the truth, if only half of it– but Tony didn’t need to hear that Loki hated eating inside because he would always be the _outsider_. The only person who would willingly let Loki onto their table was _Thor_, and so unless Loki got there early enough to claim a table for himself – which he would then more often than not sit at alone – he would be left to either stand awkwardly or sit with Thor and Thor’s friends, which somehow just felt worse. No, Loki far preferred the isolation and _peace_ of outside, even if was a little chilly.

But Tony likely knew all of that already, even if he didn’t care enough to do anything about it. Not that Loki would have wanted him to, anyway– he was more than capable of dealing with it himself.

Still, Tony seemed to accept his answer without any trouble, and then changed the subject with the ease of someone who had long since mastered social interactions. Loki was almost a little jealous.

“What’re you reading?” Tony turned his head sideways and nearly upside down, comically trying to read the title. “Looks interesting.”

“It’s for the history assignment,” Loki said, using his fingers to hold the page as he flipped the cover for Tony to see. “Have you started it yet?”

Tony pulled a face which made his answer rather clear, and then changed the subject once again. “Hey, did you hear about the new stuff Dr Richards has ordered for the lab? The next few physics classes are going to be _amazing—_”

“Are you here for a reason?” Loki interrupted. “Or can I get back to studying?”

Tony winced, and ran a nervous hand through his hair. Loki felt a little bad for snapping, but Tony always seemed to bring that out in him– because even though Tony always made Loki feel more noticed than anyone else in the school ever had, even though Loki looked forward to their too infrequent conversations with the kind of anticipation that burned, and even though Tony’s smile always made Loki’s mouth go dry, he knew that he could never let any of that _show_. And he worried that if he didn’t hide himself under a layer of snark, then the affection he held for Tony would only become all too obvious. And if Tony knew… he would likely never want anything to do with Loki ever again, and Loki would lose those few, precious conversations he managed to have with Tony between the times that the other boy was with his group of more popular friends.

“Uh, I wanted to ask you something,” Tony finally answered. His smile was still nervous, but he met and held Loki’s gaze with the kind of determination that had allowed him to convince the principal to start a robot wars competition in the lead up to the summer holidays at the end of last year. (A decision that the principal sorely regretted, Loki knew.)

“Well, go on then,” Loki said, curious.

Tony turned so that he wasn’t leaning against the tree anymore, so that he was facing Loki properly. There was something tentative hiding in his eyes, something that made Loki a little worried for what was about to follow.

“Loki, can I…” Tony swallowed. “Can I kiss you?”

Loki blinked, sure that he must have heard that wrong. “Can you _what?”_

“Kiss you,” Tony said again, gaining just a little more confidence. “It doesn’t have to mean anything, if you don’t want it to, I just… well, what do you say?”

To be honest, Loki had absolutely no idea what to say. He had been pining for Tony since freshman year, imagining this very moment, picturing Tony asking and then leaning in, their lips brushing together softly. He had _yearned_ for this for _years_, and… well, and Tony had never given even the slightest inkling of ever liking Loki back. Loki knew that better than anyone, because he had been _watching_ for it– and now, what, was he supposed to believe that Tony had just… decided, out of the blue, that he wanted to kiss Loki? When he had never even _flirted_ with Loki before– or at least, no differently than he flirted with anyone else?

No. _No_, that wasn’t possible. But when Loki thought about all those sneering faces in the cafeteria, when he thought about the way that they had all treated him when he had come out of the closet two years earlier, the way they _still_ treated him, sometimes, when none of the teachers were looking and when they thought they could get away with it without Thor finding out…

Well, then Loki supposed it had only been a matter of time before someone realised the way that he felt for Tony, and used it to play another cosmic joke.

And it _hurt_, because it was _Tony_. He hadn’t thought that Tony was this cruel– but then, Tony didn’t think that this meant anything to Loki. Isn’t that what he had said? Perhaps this was a dare– and perhaps Tony, not knowing how Loki felt, had agreed thinking that it would be harmless?

Either way, Loki realised that there was only the one thing he could say in response to Tony’s offer.

“No.”

Tony’s expression crumpled, but Loki didn’t see it– he closed his book with a snap and pushed up to his feet, not even pausing to put the book back into his bag.

“Loki,” Tony said, “Don’t go, I’m sorry—”

“_No_,” Loki said again, turning on his heel and pinning Tony with a glare sharp enough to cut. “I will _not_ be part of this.”

Loki didn’t wait for a response– he just _left. _Tony didn’t come after him, and Loki just tried not to break into a run, tried to hold in the tears he could feel prickling at his eyes. He didn’t attend his last class– he just went to his car to drive _home_, not caring that he was supposed to drive Thor home as well, not caring about anything other than the crack in his heart.

He made it to the car before the tears began to fall, and he felt well enough to drive, so he put the car into gear and moved it out of the lot probably a little faster than he should have. And Loki was half way home before he realised that he didn’t really know where he should go. He knew that he couldn’t go back to the house, because his mother was there– and he knew that the moment she started to ask questions, everything would come spilling out with a tidal wave of emotion that had built up over the past three and a half years.

So instead, he turned the car around and headed to one of his favourite haunts, far away from everyone else. He left the car parked not quite straight on the side of the road and walked a familiar path through the park, very nearly enjoying the brisk air and the light of the sun that had already started to set. It seemed strange, that he could feel so awful on the one of those rare winter days where the sun decided to show itself– bright and yet still chilly, the kind of weather that had always been Loki’s favourite. But as it were, he couldn’t muster even the smallest of smiles. 

His feet tracked the familiar route– off the path and through a gap in the bush that he had grown too large to easily fit through about half-way through middle school. He didn’t care that the sticks pulled at his hair, and he didn’t care that he was dirtying his clothes. Loki just kept going with a kind of urgent desperation that didn’t quite fit, focusing his energy on just this one thing, that almost childish notion that as long as he could make it to his safe space before he began to properly cry, then everything would be all right.

When he made it to the small, cleared space in the middle of the copse of thick trees and bushes, he allowed himself to fall onto the old, rotting bench and pulled his legs up to his chest, pressing his forehead against his knees.

This had always been his favourite place to come whenever he needed to get away from the world. It looked like it had once intended to be a quiet reading nook or such, perhaps before a gardener had deemed the bushes too much effort to keep cutting back and allowed the entrance to grow over. Loki and Thor had found it while ‘exploring’ as kids, and while Loki was sure they couldn’t have been the only one to find it, they never encountered anyone else.

During summer, when the trees were full of leaves, it would be impossible to see the sky from where Loki sat– but in the winter, he just needed to tilt up his head and he could see straight up to the clear blue, and he could almost imagine that he hadn’t moved. He’d left his book in the car but he could almost feel it in his fingers, feel the bark of the tree at his back, the brush of Tony’s shoulder along his own. He could picture the moment, could throw himself back into it, imagine that he was still in that perfect half second before Tony had made the offer that had thrown everything off balance.

Maybe, if Tony hadn’t asked, maybe they could have just talked, maybe they could have bonded. Or maybe… maybe it was Loki who had made the mistake. Perhaps he should have accepted Tony’s offer– perhaps a meaningless kiss might have been enough to tide him over, to sate his desires enough for Loki to be able to move on. Perhaps it could have given him something nice to hold on to, like a talisman of what could have been.

But even as the thought passed through his mind, Loki knew that would have been wrong. That small taste would have only made the longing worse, would have only made him want what he could not have with even more of an aching burn than what he already felt– because then he would _know_ what Tony’s lips felt like, and it would only torment his dreams all the more.

No, it was better this way. Loki could not imagine anything hurting more than this. Although… at least now, he could let it pour out of him in silence, rather than having that memory burning through him with no way to make it any better.

He didn’t sob– he barely even cried. He could feel tears seeping through the material of his jeans but there was no sound, no shakes. He just held on, letting the feeling consume him for as long as he needed to recover.

He’d had years of knowing he could never be with Tony, after all. This was nothing new.

—

Loki heard Tony arrive long before the other boy came into sight. It seemed like Tony knew where he was supposed to be looking, but hadn’t seen the gap in the bushes, and was trying to fight his way through the old-fashioned way. Despite himself, the corners of Loki’s lips began to curve up into a smile at the sound of breaking twigs and muttered curses that gradually grew louder as Tony’s frustration increased.

Still, Loki remained silent. He thought briefly about running again, about moving to the other side of the clearing from the noise and slipping out of the gap before Tony made it through– but what was the point? If Tony was willing to fight his way through the bushes to talk to him, then he would probably follow Loki home as well.

And besides, there_ was_ the chance that if they talked, they might be able to salvage the intermittent friendship they’d had before. That, at least, was worth holding on just a little longer. So Loki wiped his eyes with the bottom of his T-shirt, crossed his arms over his knees and rested his chin on top as he watched the trees opposite where the cacophony was slowly getting closer.

“Loki, are you in here?” Tony shouted.

Despite his decision, Loki still didn’t make a sound. He wasn’t sure why– perhaps he was still half hoping he could spare himself the conversation, or perhaps he wanted to see whether Tony would keep trying to get through regardless.

Either way, it wasn’t much longer before there was a loud _crack_, and then Tony came falling through the last line of bushes and tumbled to the ground. Loki was glad to see that he was holding a broken-off branch in his hands– it was good to see that the source of the crack wasn’t a bone at any rate, even if Loki did feel a twang of remorse for the damage to the tree it had come from.

Tony’s head snapped up immediately, though, his gaze flicking all around the clearing. “Oh, thank god,” he said as he spotted Loki. “I was worried.”

_Worried?_ Well, Loki supposed he could understand why, since his flight from school might appear a little odd to someone who didn’t know how Loki felt– who wouldn’t be able to decipher why Loki reacted the way he had to a request for a simple _kiss_.

It hadn’t been long enough for school to even have finished, yet. Tony must also have missed his last class, at least.

But, there was a question a little more pressing that Loki wanted answered.

“How did you find me?” he asked.

“Thor said that this is where you’d probably be,” Tony said. “Though I have to admit, his direction giving skills need a little bit of work.”

“Thor,” Loki muttered. _Of course_. Thor _would_ be the only person who would know to look for Loki here, in this particular spot– but that Thor would share such information hurt just a little bit. After all… Thor had always stood up for Loki against the assholes at school, _always_. The thought that he had just told Tony where to find him rubbed Loki the wrong way.

“He means well, you know,” Tony said, his expression soft as he took another few, cautious steps closer. “And when I explained, he—”

“Oh, when you _explained?”_ Loki asked, his laugh bitter. “What did you tell him? That you asked to _kiss_ me?”

“I told him that I thought I had upset you, and that I needed to apologise,” Tony said firmly. “And that I needed to explain _why_ I did it, because I think you might have misunderstood me.”

“I don’t need to hear it. I will not be part of some game,” Loki said. “If you tell me now that we can forget about it, then I will be fine with that.”

He wouldn’t be, not entirely– but he would be fine _enough_, and that was all that Tony needed to know.

“But… what if _I’m_ not fine with that?” Tony asked. There was an edge to his words, something even more nervous than he had been when he had asked for that kiss. “What if I don’t want to just forget about it?”

“Then I suppose I get no choice in the matter,” Loki muttered.

Tony sighed, and moved closer still. He joined Loki on the bench, though he put enough space between them that another whole person could have fit– though to Loki, the gap felt more like a yawning ravine, wide and deep and just waiting for someone to fall into it. Oh, the plunge would likely be thrilling, but the ending would not be pretty at all.

“Loki,” Tony said, pressing his elbows into his knees and leaning down to rub his hands over his face. “I’m never going to not give you a choice, okay? If you tell me to go now, I will. I just… I really hope that you’ll give me a chance to explain _why_ I said what I did.”

“Fine,” Loki said, the word spat between gritted teeth. “I’ll listen. But if you try anything like—”

“I won’t,” Tony said immediately. “You don’t have to worry, I really… Loki, I’m not trying to hurt you. I never meant to, and I’m so sorry that what I said made you upset.”

“Then _why_ did you say it?” Loki snapped. “Why would you, when you don’t even—” Loki cut himself off, gritting his teeth.

“I don’t even what?” Tony asked gently, and Loki could only look away, his eyes turning back to the broken branch that still lay on the ground. Tony sighed again before launching into his answer, his voice soft. “Loki, I wanted to kiss you because I _want_ to. I’ve wanted to for a really long time, and when I saw you sitting out there by yourself, I just thought… I might as well just go for it, right? I might as well just… I don’t know. I know that you don’t like me the same way, but I know it wouldn’t have been your first kiss, so, I guess I thought that maybe you wouldn’t mind. It only would have been a kiss, if that’s all that you wanted, it didn’t have to mean a thing.”

Loki knew he probably should have just shrugged that off, but… there was one thing Tony had said that stuck in Loki’s mind, that kept rolling around and growing louder and louder until Loki found it hard to think of anything else, even the pain from before beginning to fade under the new impossibility.

_I know that you don’t like me the same way_. That wasn’t the sort of thing people said when they only wanted to be friends, was it? That was what people said when they liked someone who didn’t like them back.

How many times had Loki thought that about Tony? That Tony didn’t like Loki in the same way that Loki liked him?

What if they were _both _wrong?

Loki’s breath hitched, and he felt like every inhale contained less oxygen than the last. He felt like he couldn’t focus and yet there was only the one thing on his mind, and his heart was hammering much too fast in his chest as words began to fall unbidden from his lips.

“Tony, it doesn’t matter that it wouldn’t have been my first kiss,” Loki said. “That’s not what upset me. It only mattered that it would have been my first kiss with _you_.”

_The first kiss that mattered at all._ He didn’t say it, but he knew that it was the truth. Even knowing that Tony didn’t mean it, it still would have mattered to Loki, only _because_ it was Tony. In Loki’s mind, it was as simple as that.

Tony’s eyes were round, staring at Loki with something akin to wonder. Loki could feel that stare boring into him, and it cracked him back to his usual defence.

“What?” Loki snapped.

“Lokes,” Tony whispered. “You… do you really mean that?”

“Did I mean what?” Loki asked, honestly confused. “That if you kissed me, it would mean so much more to me than you realise? That I have wanted you to kiss me for so long, that when you offered, I thought I had misheard? That I—” he paused, the words catching in his throat as years and years of silent habit stopped any chance of the truth slipping out.

But then Tony moved over the seat, uncaring of the damp, mossy wood of the old bench, just moving _closer_ with a tentative expression dancing over his face. 

“If I ask you again,” Tony whispered, “would you say yes?”

Loki swallowed, his eyes flicking down to Tony’s lips for a moment. “Ask me what?”

Tony shifted closer again, and lifted his hand to brush the tips of his fingers along Loki’s jaw in the softest of touches. “Loki,” he asked. “Can I kiss you?”

It was the same question from before, and yet it felt entirely different. Tony was asking not just for the press of lips, but for something so much _more_ than that– and maybe it should have been strange that the added weight made Loki’s decision far easier, but in that moment… Loki knew that there was only one thing he ever could have brought himself to say.

“Yes,” he whispered. “And if you really _mean_ it, then I might even kiss you back.”

Tony’s lips curved into a bright smile, and then they pressed against Loki’s with a softness that _proved_ that this was something real. Neither of them were looking for the pleasure of skin on skin– they wanted the _closeness_, the bond that came from such an intimate act.

Loki’s eyes fell closed as he moved his lips with Tony’s, his hands sliding over Tony’s shoulders. It wasn’t his first kiss, but he had been right– it was the first one that mattered, and that made it feel brand new and nerve-wracking in a way that nothing ever really had before. Yet, it didn’t take them long to work out their rhythm, to learn how much they needed to tilt their chin, the best way their lips fit together, to test out what the other _liked_.

Tony’s hands sunk into Loki’s hair, his nails scratching over Loki’s scalp, and Loki groaned against Tony’s growing smile. Then Loki flicked his tongue into Tony’s mouth and pulled out a groan in return. Tony moved closer still, then, almost sitting in Loki’s lap, pressing their bodies together as close as they could be—

Then there was an awful groan and a terrible _crack_, and suddenly they were both falling as the rotten wood of the bench gave way.

They were lucky the seat itself stayed intact, and neither of them were injured— they were just sent toppling over behind the bench as the backrest splintered from the seat, and they landed on the ground in a pile on the other side. They were silent for a moment, just staring at each other in shock—

And the sight of Tony pressing his lips in a tight line, quite clearly trying not to laugh was enough to set Loki off. Then they were both giggling together, arms tight around each other and faces pressed into shoulders.

“It’s a shame,” Loki said once he had calmed enough to speak, though the words were still dancing with amusement. “I quite liked that bench.”

“I can probably build a better one,” Tony muttered, glaring at the broken wood as if it had personally insulted him. Then he paused, and his gaze flicked to Loki, that nervousness making a return. “But only if, you know. That’s something that you’d want.”

Loki knew what Tony was asking– he knew that Tony wanted know whether this might happen again, whether they were going to leave this hidden spot and go their separate ways, or… whether this was something that might _continue_ for quite some time to come.

“I think I’d like that,” Loki said– and when Tony’s eyes lit up with complete and utter happiness, he knew that he had made the right decision. Loki had been hiding the way that he felt about Tony for years, and it seemed that Tony had been doing exactly the same thing.

Even though they were on the frozen ground, even though their faces were bitten with cold and they were lying amidst a pile of rotting wood, they were both still smiling with the euphoria of finally gaining something that they had wanted for so very long. And when their lips came back together in a silent, mutual agreement that didn’t _need_ to be questioned, Loki felt hope for the prospect of holding on to this happiness for a long time to come.


End file.
